No "Winners" Here

 
Shirty Dame Awards (a.k.a. They Still Don’t Get It)

To conspiracists…

For continuing to wallow in John F. Kennedy conspiracy theories. Move on. Why is it so hard to accept that a lone gunman did it? If you want to hear something unbelievable, how about the story of a man who attempted to assassinate the president of the U.S. to impress a former child actress? It happened. Yet most people don’t obsess over this bizarre episode for two simple reasons: the attempt failed and the would-be assassin is alive and kicking.

To mark the 40th anniversary of the J.F.K. assassination, ABC News broadcast a two-hour documentary “The Kennedy Assassination: Beyond Conspiracy” in November 2003. It aired opposite CBS’ “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” during sweeps, so most people probably missed it. And that’s a shame because they would’ve learned that there was no “magic” bullet, among other things.

This isn’t the first time television journalists presented their findings; “Nova” on PBS evaluated the scientific evidence in the 1980s. But it doesn’t hurt to debunk the same myths again because a whole generation of young viewers who saw Oliver Stone’s 1991 film “JFK” took that screenplay as the gospel (that’s the power of the movies). The ABC documentary devoted 20 minutes challenging Stone’s revisionist work as many people did back in 1991. So if you have teenagers in your home, order a copy of this documentary (abcnews.com) and save it for them—they’ll need it after they watch “JFK.”

To dieters…

For falling prey to another fad diet. The high-fat/low-carb diet is so popular that a bakers’ summit was held in November 2003 to discuss the decline in bread consumption. We hear some Italian restaurants offer a pasta-less menu. Mamma mia! For a reality check, we suggest dieters read “30 Secrets of the World’s Healthiest Cuisines: Global Eating Tips and Recipes From China, France, Japan, the Mediterranean, Africa, and Scandinavia” (John Wiley & Sons, 2000) by Steven Jonas and Sandra Gordon.

After the first case of mad cow disease was discovered in Canada in May 2003 and another one in Washington state seven months later, these dieters might put down their sausages and steaks. Since mad cow disease sprang up in Britain in 1986, it has killed about 150 people in Europe, a small number compared with the number of Americans who die each year from the flu, auto accidents, gun violence—or obesity-related problems.

To the Vatican…

For releasing the 12-page bulletin on same-sex union in June 2003. No matter how you feel about this issue, you must give the Vatican credit for acting so decisively. But here’s the sad part: if only the Vatican had acted in the same manner when confronted with all the child abuse scandals. It’s a shirty dame.

To Michael Powell…

For trying to do to television what the U.S. Congress did to radio. Despite vocal opposition from the public and an unlikely coalition of diverse political groups, the Federal Communications Commission chairman advocated further deregulation in June 2003. Is he trying to be the Harvey Pitt of the FCC?

To Harvey Pitt…

For having the chutzpah to request that the position of the Securities and Exchange Commission chair be elevated to a cabinet position. After making one bad move after another and ignoring charges of selling out to accounting interests, the SEC chairman finally got the message and resigned in November 2002. Good riddance.

Shirty Dame Shall of Hame

To the Israelis and the Palestinians…

For engaging in their deathly embrace. Endless violence and retaliation will never solve their problems. Building a wall won’t work either.

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Labels: current events, essays, hall of shame, opinion

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